So, tomorrow is my birthday. My first birthday at a Japanese Zen monastery. It should be interesting. We have a visitor coming that usually brings sweets (little cakes, juices, etc), and the other guys here are making a cake for me! :)
After that, there is a sesshin from August 1-5. We still haven't decided how we will handle that. Usually, there is no sesshin in August, because of the heat. However, since Docho-san is not here, we are going to do one, but we might not do a full 15 hours. Some have suggested to do two 5-hour blocks, omitting the middle block (when it is the hottest). However, they suggest to go outside and work for 2 hours during that block, which would be horrible, since we still only eat 2 meals a day. 2 meals a day, 2 hours of work outside in the heat, 10 hours of sitting with no air conditioning, is probably unmanageable. But, in zazen everything becomes manageable.
The day after sesshin, August 6th, will be a free day. So, I will have time to gather all of my stuff together to leave the next morning. I will leave early (6am) on August 7th to walk to the bus stop and catch the train in Hamasaka. I bought my train ticket today from Hamasaka station to Kansai International Airport. It cost ￥５１５０ (~$48 US).
After Public Storage makes their automatic withdrawal from my bank account tomorrow, I will have less than $10. Aside from the bank, I have a 20 dollar bill, so I will have less than $30 to my name. It seems like I am always living strapped for cash.
When I get back to the states, I will have a few weeks to enjoy air conditioning, and figure out how I am going to pay for UW, where I will live, fix my laptop, learn Perl, and countless other things I haven't even thought about yet.
But for now, I will just sit silently. Just another bug crawling around the forest. The enchanted forest of Hyogo Prefecture, Japan.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Sesshin otsukare sama deshita
July 1 to July 5 was another 5 day sesshin. Yes, this means that I spent 15 hours in meditation and didn't talk to anyone on the Fourth of July. Lame...
After the sesshin, everyone drank a decent amount of beer. 3 of us stayed up until after 1 AM watching the movie Sunshine, which, by the way, is pretty good until the last 30 minutes or so. I was tenzo the day after the sesshin, so I had to wake up 4 hours later to start cooking breakfast. Waking up at 5, breakfast had to be prepared by 7:30, because a guest that came just for the sesshin had to be back in town early to get back home. Somehow, I was quite late with the breakfast, I didn't finish until 7:45, even with a couple of the other guys' help setting up the table. Not only was I late cooking the breakfast, but I also forgot that one of the guys was fasting and still served him food. To make up for it, I ate all of his food as well. The head monk was quite pissed off at me. Everyone went to the beach that day, but they suggested that I stay back, so that I would "have enough time to make dinner."
We actually wound up having two free days after the sesshin, the second of which was an O-Hosan, where there is no tenzo and no obligations to do anything. Everyone wound up going to the beach again, so I got to tag along this time. It was really neat. We went down to the coast of the Sea of Japan and set up a big tarp next to one of the small cliffs. I was the first to swim out to the ocean and found a large group of rocks. There was one spot where you could jump off of the rocks into the water from about 15 feet up. This was pretty fun. Fun, something I haven't had much of since being here at Antaiji. Later on, I swam to some caves I saw and checked them out. It was pretty neat to swim inside of caves. :)
We have a discussion on a particular book every week here at Antaiji, and two nights ago was my turn to lead the discussion. I had prepared the talk for about 5 hours over the course of 3 weeks, whereas most of the other guys take less than an hour the day of to do it. The head monk got really T.O.'ed about the stuff I was talking about, because he didn't understand me (didn't see the connection to the text), and hence disagreed. At one point, he told me to stop talking about this certain thing, because I was wasting time. I tried to tell him that I was building up to make a point. But then, by the time I got to the end of the section, my point finally became clear and he was agreeing with me. He has been very nice to me ever since. He actually gets into a lot of disputes with everyone here. Possibly, he has a big head because he is the head monk, but he's only been here for a year and is actually leaving Antaiji for at least a year (maybe forever?) sometime next week - he is committing to stay a year at another monastery (Sougenji).
Aside from all of this stuff, I have begun to dabble in more secular interests lately. I am reading Operating Systems Concepts in order to gain a deeper understanding of how operating systems work. Although I am only reading that so that I will be able to read The Design and the Implementation of the FreeBSD Operating System I have recently developed an obsession with FreeBSD. Their design philosophy and organization structure are incredibly sexy.
After the sesshin, everyone drank a decent amount of beer. 3 of us stayed up until after 1 AM watching the movie Sunshine, which, by the way, is pretty good until the last 30 minutes or so. I was tenzo the day after the sesshin, so I had to wake up 4 hours later to start cooking breakfast. Waking up at 5, breakfast had to be prepared by 7:30, because a guest that came just for the sesshin had to be back in town early to get back home. Somehow, I was quite late with the breakfast, I didn't finish until 7:45, even with a couple of the other guys' help setting up the table. Not only was I late cooking the breakfast, but I also forgot that one of the guys was fasting and still served him food. To make up for it, I ate all of his food as well. The head monk was quite pissed off at me. Everyone went to the beach that day, but they suggested that I stay back, so that I would "have enough time to make dinner."
We actually wound up having two free days after the sesshin, the second of which was an O-Hosan, where there is no tenzo and no obligations to do anything. Everyone wound up going to the beach again, so I got to tag along this time. It was really neat. We went down to the coast of the Sea of Japan and set up a big tarp next to one of the small cliffs. I was the first to swim out to the ocean and found a large group of rocks. There was one spot where you could jump off of the rocks into the water from about 15 feet up. This was pretty fun. Fun, something I haven't had much of since being here at Antaiji. Later on, I swam to some caves I saw and checked them out. It was pretty neat to swim inside of caves. :)
We have a discussion on a particular book every week here at Antaiji, and two nights ago was my turn to lead the discussion. I had prepared the talk for about 5 hours over the course of 3 weeks, whereas most of the other guys take less than an hour the day of to do it. The head monk got really T.O.'ed about the stuff I was talking about, because he didn't understand me (didn't see the connection to the text), and hence disagreed. At one point, he told me to stop talking about this certain thing, because I was wasting time. I tried to tell him that I was building up to make a point. But then, by the time I got to the end of the section, my point finally became clear and he was agreeing with me. He has been very nice to me ever since. He actually gets into a lot of disputes with everyone here. Possibly, he has a big head because he is the head monk, but he's only been here for a year and is actually leaving Antaiji for at least a year (maybe forever?) sometime next week - he is committing to stay a year at another monastery (Sougenji).
Aside from all of this stuff, I have begun to dabble in more secular interests lately. I am reading Operating Systems Concepts in order to gain a deeper understanding of how operating systems work. Although I am only reading that so that I will be able to read The Design and the Implementation of the FreeBSD Operating System I have recently developed an obsession with FreeBSD. Their design philosophy and organization structure are incredibly sexy.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Life at Antai-ji is incredibly serious
Let's see... It has been two full rotations of our 5-day week schedule since I have posted here. Since then, we have had 6 work days, two ringkous, two one-day sesshins, and two Hosans.
After the previous one-day sesshin, we had a HUGE bonfire. During the summer at Antai-ji, there is constantly grass to be cut. We pile all of this grass in the middle of the baseball field. But grass-cutting doesn't actually just mean grass, it means that we completely clear out the ground, so many fallen branches go into this pile as well. Aside from all of the grass and tree branches we had piled up, a local guy came by and dropped off a truckload of wooden pallets, which we also added to the heap. The final result was a pile of combustible materials that was about 10 feet in height, and 20 feet in diamater. The fire was huge. I uploaded pictures to my Flickr page - http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomamundsen/sets/72157605695855513/
The previous Hosan, which happened the day after the big bonfire, I went on a hike with one of the other guys staying at Antai-ji. We hiked up a 'path,' I say path in a very loose sense of the word - it was basically a jungle with enough clearing on the floor of the forest to see which direction you should walk in. It took us about an hour to make it up to the top, where we found a fire ring and a great bird's eye view of Antai-ji. I also have some pictures from the top of the mountain in the same Flickr collection of photos. I had a good chat with the other hiker, we talked about pygmies in the Amazon, how their eyes have evolved so that they have much better vision in the forest than ours, but when they leave the forest, they have no sense of depth-perception, and can't figure out that people standing 100 feet away are not actually miniature people floating in the air right in front of them...
After Hosan, we of course had another sequence of 3 work days, a one-day sesshin, and today's Hosan. The first two work days were pretty standard. On the third day, it started to rain very heavily, so we did some wood ('maki' in Japanese) chopping. It was pretty cool to do - relieving sexual tension of living with men for almost a month, and not having seen an attractive female since I left Osaka. Actually, I've hardly seen any women at all since I've been here, aside from the 60-year old nun, and a not-so-attractive Japanese girl that came to stay for two nights. We do go to Hamasaka every couple of weeks, but there is really not that much going on there, and you don't really see too many people, let alone hot chicks. So yea, it was good to take my frustration out on a wood pile.
We actually had a good casual talk last night after sesshin about the whole women situation at Antai-ji. We had our typical post-sesshin party, this time with snacks and candy shipped from Israel (one of the monks is half Israeli, half Canadian), and of course - Japanese beer (only 1 can per person, don't think that monks are getting hammered!). It turns out that women are the number one reason why it is so difficult to dedicate your life to monasticism. At Antai-ji, there have been many monks who have left because a chick came to stay at Antai-ji, they fell in love, and off they went to get married, have kids, etcetera. Actually, there is a former Antai-ji monk coming to visit during July that did exactly that a number of years ago. He is also the subject of Docho-san's famous story about the man working at the sushi restaurant.
During ringkou before the sesshin, we got into an intense discussion about the importance of attentiveness at Antai-ji. Before, I discussed how self-sufficiency is not a means to an end, it is an end in itself, because it forces attentiveness on the monks. It turns out that I didn't fully understand this. We aren't been attentive just for the sake of the practice. We are being attentive, because the stuff we are dealing with (rice, vegetables, chicken shit, etc) really possess infinite value. You don't pay care to rinsing the rice because Zen practitioners should be attentive, you pay care to rinsing the rice, because each grain of rice is extremely important. I did not have that mindset when I came to Antai-ji, and really, I had no idea anyone else did until this talk. Now that I have a better understanding of just how important EVERYTHING is at Antai-ji, I think I will do a lot better job and make less mistakes.
These guys are really serious.
After the previous one-day sesshin, we had a HUGE bonfire. During the summer at Antai-ji, there is constantly grass to be cut. We pile all of this grass in the middle of the baseball field. But grass-cutting doesn't actually just mean grass, it means that we completely clear out the ground, so many fallen branches go into this pile as well. Aside from all of the grass and tree branches we had piled up, a local guy came by and dropped off a truckload of wooden pallets, which we also added to the heap. The final result was a pile of combustible materials that was about 10 feet in height, and 20 feet in diamater. The fire was huge. I uploaded pictures to my Flickr page - http://www.flickr.com/photos/tomamundsen/sets/72157605695855513/
The previous Hosan, which happened the day after the big bonfire, I went on a hike with one of the other guys staying at Antai-ji. We hiked up a 'path,' I say path in a very loose sense of the word - it was basically a jungle with enough clearing on the floor of the forest to see which direction you should walk in. It took us about an hour to make it up to the top, where we found a fire ring and a great bird's eye view of Antai-ji. I also have some pictures from the top of the mountain in the same Flickr collection of photos. I had a good chat with the other hiker, we talked about pygmies in the Amazon, how their eyes have evolved so that they have much better vision in the forest than ours, but when they leave the forest, they have no sense of depth-perception, and can't figure out that people standing 100 feet away are not actually miniature people floating in the air right in front of them...
After Hosan, we of course had another sequence of 3 work days, a one-day sesshin, and today's Hosan. The first two work days were pretty standard. On the third day, it started to rain very heavily, so we did some wood ('maki' in Japanese) chopping. It was pretty cool to do - relieving sexual tension of living with men for almost a month, and not having seen an attractive female since I left Osaka. Actually, I've hardly seen any women at all since I've been here, aside from the 60-year old nun, and a not-so-attractive Japanese girl that came to stay for two nights. We do go to Hamasaka every couple of weeks, but there is really not that much going on there, and you don't really see too many people, let alone hot chicks. So yea, it was good to take my frustration out on a wood pile.
We actually had a good casual talk last night after sesshin about the whole women situation at Antai-ji. We had our typical post-sesshin party, this time with snacks and candy shipped from Israel (one of the monks is half Israeli, half Canadian), and of course - Japanese beer (only 1 can per person, don't think that monks are getting hammered!). It turns out that women are the number one reason why it is so difficult to dedicate your life to monasticism. At Antai-ji, there have been many monks who have left because a chick came to stay at Antai-ji, they fell in love, and off they went to get married, have kids, etcetera. Actually, there is a former Antai-ji monk coming to visit during July that did exactly that a number of years ago. He is also the subject of Docho-san's famous story about the man working at the sushi restaurant.
During ringkou before the sesshin, we got into an intense discussion about the importance of attentiveness at Antai-ji. Before, I discussed how self-sufficiency is not a means to an end, it is an end in itself, because it forces attentiveness on the monks. It turns out that I didn't fully understand this. We aren't been attentive just for the sake of the practice. We are being attentive, because the stuff we are dealing with (rice, vegetables, chicken shit, etc) really possess infinite value. You don't pay care to rinsing the rice because Zen practitioners should be attentive, you pay care to rinsing the rice, because each grain of rice is extremely important. I did not have that mindset when I came to Antai-ji, and really, I had no idea anyone else did until this talk. Now that I have a better understanding of just how important EVERYTHING is at Antai-ji, I think I will do a lot better job and make less mistakes.
These guys are really serious.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"You create Antaiji, but you don't count for anything"
Before Docho-san left Antai-ji, he left us with a few teachings about his thoughts on life in this monastery.
His philosophy about the monastery is - "You create Antaiji, but you don't count for anything." This is broken up into two parts:
Docho-san talks about 'artificial mindfulness,' which my teacher back in LA, Brad Warner, and his master, Nishijima-Roshi, have been harping on recently. There is a trend in Buddhism to put a great emphasis on so-called 'mindfulness.' However, when people put emphasis on being mindful, it is more like they are video-taping themselves being mindful - thinking to yourself "OK, now I am just peeling potatoes." When you do this, you are turning Buddhism into some sort of ideology, not a way of life. When mindfulness turns into thinking about the present moment, it stops being mindfulness. Real mindfulness is just paying attention to all of the details of something. When you are cooking your dinner, you shouldn't let the pot overflow when it starts to boil; you should wash your hands before you start preparing the food, and after any time you touch something dirty. If the pot overflows, or you contaminate your food, then you weren't actually paying attention - it's as simple as that.
Before I came to Antai-ji, I tried to take one thing at a time and focus on doing that 'mindfully.' I said, OK, for now, I will just try to be really mindful when I am taking showers. This worked pretty well, but I would become distracted once again when I was going to work. I would browse internet websites, check my e-mail, etc. At Antai-ji, you are essentially forced to pay attention to all details of your life. If you don't take your shoes off the right way, or if you put a personal item in the wrong place, you are going to be corrected. During sesshin, you can't go back to your room after a bathroom break, you have to use the toilet and go immediately back to the meditation hall. You can't talk during samu. All of these sorts of things create an external enrivonment where it is impossible not to pay attention to all the details of your life. Hopefully, when you leave Antai-ji, these conditions will have permeated into your brain and will be an internal environment that you can apply to everything that you do out in the world of householders. Will I be able to live up to that challenge? I don't know.
The important thing is paying attention to the details. This is the teaching of the Buddha. Most of the original Buddhist meditations are simply paying attention to detail. You just sit down and watch your body, or your mind. If you think about driving to work, you say to yourself 'I am thinking about driving to work. If your leg starts to hurt, you say to yourself - 'my leg hurts' or possibly just 'pain.'
The point to this is to notice how our reality simply consists of the 5 aggregates, which arise due to causes and conditions. The Buddha taught that the 5 aggregates are the world, and the 5 aggregates are suffering. There are no 5 aggregates outside of suffering, and there is no suffering outside of the aggregates. In fact, if you carefully read my brief introduction to Abhidharma, you'll have noticed that the only type of reality aside from the aggregates is Nirvana. The more familiar we become with the 5 aggregates, and their inherent empty self-nature (due to the fact that they only arise because of the presence of particular causes and conditions), we can actually put an end to the aggregates (if we are practicing Nikaya Buddhism). But in Mahayana Buddhism (which Zen belongs to), we only learn the emptiness of the aggregates, we don't actually put them to an end. In fact, we commit ourselves to continually re-appropriate these aggregates throughout many, many lifetimes. The Mahayana path is to learn emptiness, and be able to teach it to others, so that all sentient beings will be freed from suffering (the aggregates).
His philosophy about the monastery is - "You create Antaiji, but you don't count for anything." This is broken up into two parts:
- You create Antaiji
- This can obviously be viewed as being the same as the old cliche phrase - "life is what you make of it."
- But I think we can also apply a little Buddhist philosophy (Abhidharma). When you study Abhidharma, you learn that there are two kinds of reality - material phenomena (rupa), and mental phenomena (nama). There are four types of absoulte reality - consciousness (citta), mental formations that arise with consciousness (cetasika), material form (rupa), and Nirvana (Nibbana). Abhidharma also tells us that sentient existence consists of 5 aggregates or heaps (khandhas in Pali, or skandhas in Sanskrit) - there is no underlying self or soul aside from these 5 aggregates. These five are - material form (the Rupakkhanda), feeling (the Vedanakkhandha), perception ( the Sannakkhanda), mental formations (Sankharakkhanda), and concsiousness (the Vinnanakkhandha). There is one rupa khanda - the Rupakkhanda; and there are four nama khandas - the other four. Feeling, perceptions, and mental formations are all cetasikas, so the four nama khandas are actually just cetasikas and cittas.
- If we look at material form (the Rupakkhanda), we see that there are 6 sense organs and their objects. Eyes, ear, nose, mouth, body, and mind are the 6 sense organs, and sight (all material objects - or rupa), sounds, smell, tastes, feeling, and thoughts are the 6 objects of perception. The actual Rupakkhanda consists of the 6 sense organs AND the 6 sense objects. This means that the things we look at are part of our form aggregate. Which means that when I look at a person, that person becomes part of my material form aggregate.
- This leads to the conclusion that we create Antai-ji, because all of the things at Antai-ji ACTUALLY ARE our material form aggregate. They are not a separate self. We are not a separate self aside from Antai-ji.
- This also has a two-fold meaning, one conventional and one Abhidharma.
- Conventional - you are just a little cog in the big picture of Antai-ji. Antai-ji has been here for decades before I arrived, and it will (probably) be here for long after I leave. What I do here does not make that much of a difference in the big picture of things.
- Abhidharma - as I said before, there is no self aside from the 5 aggregates. So, literally there is no self. We are not individual entities, we just think that we are, so in a way - we 'don't exist.' But of course, that shouldn't be taken literally. We don't exist only from an absoulte point of view. On the conventional level, we are human beings who have emotions, etc.
Docho-san talks about 'artificial mindfulness,' which my teacher back in LA, Brad Warner, and his master, Nishijima-Roshi, have been harping on recently. There is a trend in Buddhism to put a great emphasis on so-called 'mindfulness.' However, when people put emphasis on being mindful, it is more like they are video-taping themselves being mindful - thinking to yourself "OK, now I am just peeling potatoes." When you do this, you are turning Buddhism into some sort of ideology, not a way of life. When mindfulness turns into thinking about the present moment, it stops being mindfulness. Real mindfulness is just paying attention to all of the details of something. When you are cooking your dinner, you shouldn't let the pot overflow when it starts to boil; you should wash your hands before you start preparing the food, and after any time you touch something dirty. If the pot overflows, or you contaminate your food, then you weren't actually paying attention - it's as simple as that.
Before I came to Antai-ji, I tried to take one thing at a time and focus on doing that 'mindfully.' I said, OK, for now, I will just try to be really mindful when I am taking showers. This worked pretty well, but I would become distracted once again when I was going to work. I would browse internet websites, check my e-mail, etc. At Antai-ji, you are essentially forced to pay attention to all details of your life. If you don't take your shoes off the right way, or if you put a personal item in the wrong place, you are going to be corrected. During sesshin, you can't go back to your room after a bathroom break, you have to use the toilet and go immediately back to the meditation hall. You can't talk during samu. All of these sorts of things create an external enrivonment where it is impossible not to pay attention to all the details of your life. Hopefully, when you leave Antai-ji, these conditions will have permeated into your brain and will be an internal environment that you can apply to everything that you do out in the world of householders. Will I be able to live up to that challenge? I don't know.
The important thing is paying attention to the details. This is the teaching of the Buddha. Most of the original Buddhist meditations are simply paying attention to detail. You just sit down and watch your body, or your mind. If you think about driving to work, you say to yourself 'I am thinking about driving to work. If your leg starts to hurt, you say to yourself - 'my leg hurts' or possibly just 'pain.'
The point to this is to notice how our reality simply consists of the 5 aggregates, which arise due to causes and conditions. The Buddha taught that the 5 aggregates are the world, and the 5 aggregates are suffering. There are no 5 aggregates outside of suffering, and there is no suffering outside of the aggregates. In fact, if you carefully read my brief introduction to Abhidharma, you'll have noticed that the only type of reality aside from the aggregates is Nirvana. The more familiar we become with the 5 aggregates, and their inherent empty self-nature (due to the fact that they only arise because of the presence of particular causes and conditions), we can actually put an end to the aggregates (if we are practicing Nikaya Buddhism). But in Mahayana Buddhism (which Zen belongs to), we only learn the emptiness of the aggregates, we don't actually put them to an end. In fact, we commit ourselves to continually re-appropriate these aggregates throughout many, many lifetimes. The Mahayana path is to learn emptiness, and be able to teach it to others, so that all sentient beings will be freed from suffering (the aggregates).
My 20 Girlfriends
So, I guess I haven't written on here since the last sesshin. A lot has happened since then, and Antai-ji has an entirely different feel.
By breakfast time on the day after sesshin, about 10 people had left. The abbot and his family went to Europe to lead some retreats and do some travelling. Most of the Germans also went back home. Now, there are only 5 people living at Antai-ji. Of course, I am here, there is a Japanese monk (committed to stay for 3 years), a Canadian monk (who has been here for a year) who leaves in mid-July, an Australian lay practitioner, and an Austrian lay practitioner who has recently committed to stay at Antai-ji for the next 3 years.
After sesshin, we had two free days in a row - it was almost like having a real weekend. The first free day was Oo-Hosan, which means that you have absolutely no obligations, but there is no guaranteed food. I wound up going down to Hamasaka where I got a haircut and ate Ramen for breakfast and lunch. The second free day was a normal Hosan, which means that everyone has to clean out the Hondo, and you are required to attend the two meals. Hosan is called a free day, but really, it is not quite so free.
After the two free days, we had three days of work. The samu (work) schedule has been reduced, and now we finish work at 12, which is really nice. So, a normal samu day consists of 4 hours of meditation, 3.5 hours of work, three meals, snack break (between breakfast and lunch), and a tea meeting. This leaves us with about 4 hours of free time per day, which is great. I have taken a few 1-hour naps during that free time, which almost make up for the fact that we wake up at 3:45.
Yesterday we had a One-Day sesshin. This means that there is 10 hours of meditation (broken into two 5-hour blocks), two meals, and free time after the second meal which ends around 3:45 PM. So, although the day begins out pretty rough, you wind up having most of the afternoon and the entire evening to yourself. At the end of the day, we watched a little bit of a Bob Dylan documentary and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou while drinking a little bit of Asahi beer and some Japanese-style snacks. The Japanese guy didn't understand anything that was going on, so he wandered off after the first 45 minutes or so.
Today is Hosan. As I already said, Hosan is not much of a free day, and I actually wound up working about the same amount that I do on a normal work day. I slept in until 6 - yayyy!!! And had to be down in the kitchen by 7 in order to help prepare breakfast. I am tenzo-in-training, so I have to watch what the cook is doing, and in a few days, I will have the responsibility of cooking for everyone. This is actually really exciting, because in a traditional monastery the tenzo is a highly revered position and only given to a person who has been living at the monastery for many years. In other words, it is a very senior position. But here at Antai-ji, we don't have too many people, so everyone will assume this responsibility on a rotating basis.
After breakfast, I went with Daisen-san (the Japanese monk) to let the chickens out of their 'barn' for a little stress relief. Although they left the barn, they didn't stray too far, which surprised me. After we let them wander around and eat the bushes for about 20 minutes, we put them back and I began to clean out their bedding. Their old bedding was essentially wood chips and had started to get very soggy with chicken shit - so it was time to replace it. I removed about 15 large bushels of bedding and put them in the compost heap. The compost heap is pretty far away from the chicken barn, so I got to drive one of our trucks back and forth - my first time driving a car with the steering wheel on the right side of the vehicle. After I removed all of the old bedding, I drove out to the baseball field and collected grass cuttings into the same bushels. I put all of this new bedding in the chicken barn to make the chickens happy.
I am taking good care of my 20 girlfriends. ;)
By breakfast time on the day after sesshin, about 10 people had left. The abbot and his family went to Europe to lead some retreats and do some travelling. Most of the Germans also went back home. Now, there are only 5 people living at Antai-ji. Of course, I am here, there is a Japanese monk (committed to stay for 3 years), a Canadian monk (who has been here for a year) who leaves in mid-July, an Australian lay practitioner, and an Austrian lay practitioner who has recently committed to stay at Antai-ji for the next 3 years.
After sesshin, we had two free days in a row - it was almost like having a real weekend. The first free day was Oo-Hosan, which means that you have absolutely no obligations, but there is no guaranteed food. I wound up going down to Hamasaka where I got a haircut and ate Ramen for breakfast and lunch. The second free day was a normal Hosan, which means that everyone has to clean out the Hondo, and you are required to attend the two meals. Hosan is called a free day, but really, it is not quite so free.
After the two free days, we had three days of work. The samu (work) schedule has been reduced, and now we finish work at 12, which is really nice. So, a normal samu day consists of 4 hours of meditation, 3.5 hours of work, three meals, snack break (between breakfast and lunch), and a tea meeting. This leaves us with about 4 hours of free time per day, which is great. I have taken a few 1-hour naps during that free time, which almost make up for the fact that we wake up at 3:45.
Yesterday we had a One-Day sesshin. This means that there is 10 hours of meditation (broken into two 5-hour blocks), two meals, and free time after the second meal which ends around 3:45 PM. So, although the day begins out pretty rough, you wind up having most of the afternoon and the entire evening to yourself. At the end of the day, we watched a little bit of a Bob Dylan documentary and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou while drinking a little bit of Asahi beer and some Japanese-style snacks. The Japanese guy didn't understand anything that was going on, so he wandered off after the first 45 minutes or so.
Today is Hosan. As I already said, Hosan is not much of a free day, and I actually wound up working about the same amount that I do on a normal work day. I slept in until 6 - yayyy!!! And had to be down in the kitchen by 7 in order to help prepare breakfast. I am tenzo-in-training, so I have to watch what the cook is doing, and in a few days, I will have the responsibility of cooking for everyone. This is actually really exciting, because in a traditional monastery the tenzo is a highly revered position and only given to a person who has been living at the monastery for many years. In other words, it is a very senior position. But here at Antai-ji, we don't have too many people, so everyone will assume this responsibility on a rotating basis.
After breakfast, I went with Daisen-san (the Japanese monk) to let the chickens out of their 'barn' for a little stress relief. Although they left the barn, they didn't stray too far, which surprised me. After we let them wander around and eat the bushes for about 20 minutes, we put them back and I began to clean out their bedding. Their old bedding was essentially wood chips and had started to get very soggy with chicken shit - so it was time to replace it. I removed about 15 large bushels of bedding and put them in the compost heap. The compost heap is pretty far away from the chicken barn, so I got to drive one of our trucks back and forth - my first time driving a car with the steering wheel on the right side of the vehicle. After I removed all of the old bedding, I drove out to the baseball field and collected grass cuttings into the same bushels. I put all of this new bedding in the chicken barn to make the chickens happy.
I am taking good care of my 20 girlfriends. ;)
Friday, June 6, 2008
June 4th
During the second session of zazen during the second 5 hour block (the 7th hour of zazen of the day, from 11-12), Docho-san screamed 'DOOOOOONNNNNTTTTTT MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE'. At first, I had no idea what had happened. I thought maybe a tree fell on the Hondo, or everyone was starting some chant. Then after a few seconds, my mind kicked in - 'oh, that was Docho-san, he just yelled at us about not moving.'
He wasn't yelling at me. I hadn't moved a muscle for about 15 minutes by the time he had screamed that. I saw someone on the right side of the Hondo sort of adjust themselves after he said this, so maybe it was that person, I don't know.
I can now see why Brad said, 'Oh... you're doing Antai-ji. They're a bunch of Nazis there.'
He wasn't yelling at me. I hadn't moved a muscle for about 15 minutes by the time he had screamed that. I saw someone on the right side of the Hondo sort of adjust themselves after he said this, so maybe it was that person, I don't know.
I can now see why Brad said, 'Oh... you're doing Antai-ji. They're a bunch of Nazis there.'
June 2nd
11:01 AM
Sesshin is not as bad as everyone is making it out to be. Although, maybe that is because I am half-asleep for most of the zazen. I try to stay awake in the morning, but it is practically impossible. Four hours is a long time to be sitting, especially when you just woke up at 3:45 after six hours of sleep. And to think that it will always be 5 hours from now on, since today is my last day as assistant tenzo....
At breakfast this morning, I finally got the right amount of food. Daisen cooked up some extra okayu (rice gruel). It was very nice with some brown sugar. After the meal, Docho-san announced 'we are having a problem,' - immediately my throat closed up, thinking that it was something that I did wrong, either closing my eyes during morning zazen, or having that cup of coffee while setting up breakfast yesterday, to which, Daisen-san said, 'ummmm... ummmm... This is a leetle beet nawt good-to.' But Docho-san continued, 'with insects in the rice field. We will skip zazen from 10:15-11 and meet in front of the blue barn.'
So, I took a 15 minute nap, grabbed some coffee, and we went out to the rice field with sticks in hand. We worked our way through the field, brushing each rice plant so that the bugs would fall off. They will keep climbing up, but we will just keep doing that, becausewe don't kill living beings .After working in the rice field for about 30 minutes, Docho-san announced that we could take a shower. This was really nice, since I thought that I wouldn't get that change. All in all, we missed 1 session of zazen. Now it's time to get back to the cushion.
Sesshin is not as bad as everyone is making it out to be. Although, maybe that is because I am half-asleep for most of the zazen. I try to stay awake in the morning, but it is practically impossible. Four hours is a long time to be sitting, especially when you just woke up at 3:45 after six hours of sleep. And to think that it will always be 5 hours from now on, since today is my last day as assistant tenzo....
At breakfast this morning, I finally got the right amount of food. Daisen cooked up some extra okayu (rice gruel). It was very nice with some brown sugar. After the meal, Docho-san announced 'we are having a problem,' - immediately my throat closed up, thinking that it was something that I did wrong, either closing my eyes during morning zazen, or having that cup of coffee while setting up breakfast yesterday, to which, Daisen-san said, 'ummmm... ummmm... This is a leetle beet nawt good-to.' But Docho-san continued, 'with insects in the rice field. We will skip zazen from 10:15-11 and meet in front of the blue barn.'
So, I took a 15 minute nap, grabbed some coffee, and we went out to the rice field with sticks in hand. We worked our way through the field, brushing each rice plant so that the bugs would fall off. They will keep climbing up, but we will just keep doing that, becausewe don't kill living beings .After working in the rice field for about 30 minutes, Docho-san announced that we could take a shower. This was really nice, since I thought that I wouldn't get that change. All in all, we missed 1 session of zazen. Now it's time to get back to the cushion.
June 1st
9:40 AM
Today is the first day of the big sesshin. Luckily, I am the assistant Tenzo, so I get to skip out on 2 hours of sitting, thus leaving me with a paltry 13 hours of zazen.
I woke up this morning at 3:25 AM, because my roommate was jikido. During the first hour session of zazen, I was so tired that I kept my eyes closed practically the entire time, I even felt my head droop once. During the second hour, I was able to open my eyes a little more, maybe for 20 out of the 45 minutes. By the third and fourth sessions, I was more or less awake.
I am beginning to get a good grip on my mind. I can see its plasticity and fundamental groundless nature. In this sesshin, there is nothing to hold on to. Aside from having to help in the kitchen, there is basically nothing going on in my life. Actually, that is how it always is - even when you are incredibly busy. There is actually nothing happening, it's just that your mind is distracted. It is very clear that this mind is all of reality, and that water and chicken shit are this mind. Some people never pay attention to that fact and think that external objects entertain them. They are simply fooled by their own mind, which drags them around like a dog on a leash. The worst thing is that we don't even know it! And of course I am guilty of this as well.
Buddhism is simply the study and practice of taming the mind. I think that Antai-ji is a very good place to do that.
3:52 PM
I am completely exhausted. I feel like I could fall asleep right now. We didn't have a lot of food for breakfast and I was really weak when I came into help Daisen as tenzo at 2 PM. Luckily, he screwed up making a (large) egg roll and gave it to me. It's weird how things work out. Daisen is such a nice guy - I think he somehow knew that I needed it. When we went into the chicken barn, he was petting the chickens like their mother.
My mind is starting to really change. I have never felt this way before, and I can't really describe it. It's like a complete lack of emotion - catharsis. But something still remains.
We had oryoki dinner, and I finally got a lot to eat, which is good because it was the second and last meal of the day. After that, I had some coffee, but that still hasn't perked me up yet. While sipping the coffee, I was just gazing at the trees and watching ants on the ground. Really, we are not that much more than ants. We have a body and desires to stay alive. Humans just try to make it more complicated than that. That's why we invent buddhas. Sesshin eliminates those complications and allows you to truly experience yourself.
Sesshin means 'to come in contact with the mind,' or something like that. It is really good to confront your mind every now and again. Check up on how happy/depressed you might be; see how easy it is to be irritated. I've found that I am a pretty happy person, pretty ordinary. I am not so easily irritated, but my mind is easily distracted.
Today is the first day of the big sesshin. Luckily, I am the assistant Tenzo, so I get to skip out on 2 hours of sitting, thus leaving me with a paltry 13 hours of zazen.
I woke up this morning at 3:25 AM, because my roommate was jikido. During the first hour session of zazen, I was so tired that I kept my eyes closed practically the entire time, I even felt my head droop once. During the second hour, I was able to open my eyes a little more, maybe for 20 out of the 45 minutes. By the third and fourth sessions, I was more or less awake.
I am beginning to get a good grip on my mind. I can see its plasticity and fundamental groundless nature. In this sesshin, there is nothing to hold on to. Aside from having to help in the kitchen, there is basically nothing going on in my life. Actually, that is how it always is - even when you are incredibly busy. There is actually nothing happening, it's just that your mind is distracted. It is very clear that this mind is all of reality, and that water and chicken shit are this mind. Some people never pay attention to that fact and think that external objects entertain them. They are simply fooled by their own mind, which drags them around like a dog on a leash. The worst thing is that we don't even know it! And of course I am guilty of this as well.
Buddhism is simply the study and practice of taming the mind. I think that Antai-ji is a very good place to do that.
3:52 PM
I am completely exhausted. I feel like I could fall asleep right now. We didn't have a lot of food for breakfast and I was really weak when I came into help Daisen as tenzo at 2 PM. Luckily, he screwed up making a (large) egg roll and gave it to me. It's weird how things work out. Daisen is such a nice guy - I think he somehow knew that I needed it. When we went into the chicken barn, he was petting the chickens like their mother.
My mind is starting to really change. I have never felt this way before, and I can't really describe it. It's like a complete lack of emotion - catharsis. But something still remains.
We had oryoki dinner, and I finally got a lot to eat, which is good because it was the second and last meal of the day. After that, I had some coffee, but that still hasn't perked me up yet. While sipping the coffee, I was just gazing at the trees and watching ants on the ground. Really, we are not that much more than ants. We have a body and desires to stay alive. Humans just try to make it more complicated than that. That's why we invent buddhas. Sesshin eliminates those complications and allows you to truly experience yourself.
Sesshin means 'to come in contact with the mind,' or something like that. It is really good to confront your mind every now and again. Check up on how happy/depressed you might be; see how easy it is to be irritated. I've found that I am a pretty happy person, pretty ordinary. I am not so easily irritated, but my mind is easily distracted.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
What is a sesshin?
So, what exactly is a Sesshin?
The word sesshin, in Japanese, means 'to come in contact with the mind' or to unify the mind. It is a time that Zen practitioners take to spend a lot of time in meditation, and/or study Dharma teachings. Talking is usually prohibited. The lightest schedule I've seen has about 7 hours of meditation, and a couple hours of lectures. The heaviest schedule I've seen, which I just went through, is 15 hours of meditation per day, and nothing else.
So, here are the basic details of the sesshin at Antai-ji, formulated by Kodo Sawaki Roshi some decades ago when Antai-ji was still located in Kyoto. No talking - this isn't the strictest rule, you can talk for important things, like if you are working with the tenzo and need to figure out how to set something up. No showering, shaving, reading, writing, looking around, etcetera.
At around 3:30 AM, the jikido starts beating this huge drum and ringing bells. It sounds like some sort of Tibetan ceremony or something... I've never heard this sort of ominous percussion from Japanese Buddhism before. Then, at 3:45, he runs down the hall, ringing a bell really loud and bastardly, abruptly waking you from your sleep. You have less than 15 minutes to wash up, and you have to be in the Hondo before 4:00 AM. On the first day of sesshin, you go in through the front door, on the rest of the days, you go through the side door. By the side door, the jikido will be standing there, bent over at 90 degrees, holding the hammer he uses to strike the bell to begin the first meditation period.
At 4:00 AM, the clock on the wall inside of the Hondo rings four chimes, and then the jikido rings the big bell outside, comes in, sits down, and rings the meditation announcement bell 3 times. You sit from 4 to 5. At 5 AM, the clock on the wall will ring (5 chimes - also, the clock happens to make some weird noise at x:50, so you always know when there is 10 minutes left) and the jikido will ring the meditation announcement bell 2 times. From 5:00 to 5:15, you do kinhin - walking meditation. This means that you hold your hands level to the ground, left hand in a fist with thumb inside, and right hand on top. You have to walk one half-step every breath, so this means you move about 3 inches every 10 seconds. You cannot make any noises while you walk, so you must make special care that your (which stick to the straw tatami mat) don't make any noise when you pick them up.
At 5:15, the jikido will walk back to his seat and ring the meditation announcement bell once. At this time, you will go back to your seat. After everyone is settled, the bell is rung 3 times and you sit until 6. This continues with 45 minutes sitting and 15 minutes walking until 9 AM. At 9AM, when the clock rings, the tenzo (from outside) hits his clappers several times, at increasing speed. After he slows down the clappers (kaishaku), he hits them 3 times slowly. In between the 3 times he hits the kaishaku, the jikido will hit a bell. This indicates that we are ready to go to eat breakfast. The abbot gets up and walks out the door, and everyone peels off one-by-one, following him to the meal room. We sit down and have breakfast, no talking. After breakfast, there is diswashing, and that is all usually done by 9:25 AM.
From 9:25 until 10:15, you have free time. This basically means that you can use the bathroom, get some coffee, wash up again. In my case, since I am maintaining the chickens, most of my break (about 20 minutes) is taken up doing that. The other down-side is that I have to clean up all of the chicken shit, and I still have to maintain the rule of not taking a shower.
From 10:15 until 3 o'clock, we have another 5 sessions, just like we did from 4 to 9. The meal is signaled and we go to eat again at 3. This lunch\dinner is our second and last meal of the day - it is usually done oryoki style, but one day it was not, because we had ramen. From 3:25-4:15, you get another free period. But again, I have to take care of the chickens.
From 4:15 until 9, there are another 5 sessions of zazen and kinhin. Then you have free time from 9 until 3:45 AM the next morning, although you shouldn't make any noise. This obviously means that it is time to sleep. With all of the washing, you get about 6 hours of sleep. At first, I thought that 6 hours would be fine since I was just meditating all day long, I wouldn't get that tired. And, it is partially true. But, it is really painful to the mind that you basically meditate, wash up, sleep, wash up, meditate. There is no real break time for your psyche. It really begins to wear you down after a few days.
The fifth day is only a 10 hour schedule. So, you finish after the second 5 hour block of zazen. At 3 o'clock, a short little ceremony is done. Some things are re-arranged in the Hondo, the Docho offers some incense on the altar, and everyone does three full prostrations. We have the second meal, and then a tea meeting. At the beginning of the tea meeting, the abbot announces (in Japanese) that the sesshin has ended.
----
I am not quite sure what to say about how the sesshin has affected me, but I do know that it has changed me. I meditated for 70 hours in the past 5 days. For the first 4 days, I meditated for 2 and 1/2 days. Obviously my mind is a little different. But it's not like I had some sort of awakening experience and now I am 'enlightened' or something like that. And I definitely wasn't expecting anything like that. In this tradition of Buddhism, enlightenment experiences are pushed aside. We are more concerned about just experiencing ordinary life. Sesshin is precisely that. You are bored to tears, your legs hurt like hell (several times per day, my legs literally felt like someone has jabbed a Bowie knife into them and held it there for a few minutes), you feel scuzzy ('scuuuuuuuuzzzayyyyyy' :P).
That is basically it. That is your life. There are many things that you do in life, but it is all just abstractions. Most of your life is lived entirely inside of your head. You are never 'in' the thing that you are doing. Sesshin helps us to be able to be 'in' the thing we're doing, because it is the most simple and yet most profound thing with the human body - sit cross legged. It is the easiest way to dissolve yourself into the universe, because there is nothing to distract you but your own thoughts. After a while, you see your thoughts as just being noise, your pain as just thoughts, and everything just drops off. No body, no mind, no dropping off.
And then, on the 5th day, you get up off of the cushion. 'This,' the abbot says, 'is when the real sesshin starts.'
The word sesshin, in Japanese, means 'to come in contact with the mind' or to unify the mind. It is a time that Zen practitioners take to spend a lot of time in meditation, and/or study Dharma teachings. Talking is usually prohibited. The lightest schedule I've seen has about 7 hours of meditation, and a couple hours of lectures. The heaviest schedule I've seen, which I just went through, is 15 hours of meditation per day, and nothing else.
So, here are the basic details of the sesshin at Antai-ji, formulated by Kodo Sawaki Roshi some decades ago when Antai-ji was still located in Kyoto. No talking - this isn't the strictest rule, you can talk for important things, like if you are working with the tenzo and need to figure out how to set something up. No showering, shaving, reading, writing, looking around, etcetera.
At around 3:30 AM, the jikido starts beating this huge drum and ringing bells. It sounds like some sort of Tibetan ceremony or something... I've never heard this sort of ominous percussion from Japanese Buddhism before. Then, at 3:45, he runs down the hall, ringing a bell really loud and bastardly, abruptly waking you from your sleep. You have less than 15 minutes to wash up, and you have to be in the Hondo before 4:00 AM. On the first day of sesshin, you go in through the front door, on the rest of the days, you go through the side door. By the side door, the jikido will be standing there, bent over at 90 degrees, holding the hammer he uses to strike the bell to begin the first meditation period.
At 4:00 AM, the clock on the wall inside of the Hondo rings four chimes, and then the jikido rings the big bell outside, comes in, sits down, and rings the meditation announcement bell 3 times. You sit from 4 to 5. At 5 AM, the clock on the wall will ring (5 chimes - also, the clock happens to make some weird noise at x:50, so you always know when there is 10 minutes left) and the jikido will ring the meditation announcement bell 2 times. From 5:00 to 5:15, you do kinhin - walking meditation. This means that you hold your hands level to the ground, left hand in a fist with thumb inside, and right hand on top. You have to walk one half-step every breath, so this means you move about 3 inches every 10 seconds. You cannot make any noises while you walk, so you must make special care that your (which stick to the straw tatami mat) don't make any noise when you pick them up.
At 5:15, the jikido will walk back to his seat and ring the meditation announcement bell once. At this time, you will go back to your seat. After everyone is settled, the bell is rung 3 times and you sit until 6. This continues with 45 minutes sitting and 15 minutes walking until 9 AM. At 9AM, when the clock rings, the tenzo (from outside) hits his clappers several times, at increasing speed. After he slows down the clappers (kaishaku), he hits them 3 times slowly. In between the 3 times he hits the kaishaku, the jikido will hit a bell. This indicates that we are ready to go to eat breakfast. The abbot gets up and walks out the door, and everyone peels off one-by-one, following him to the meal room. We sit down and have breakfast, no talking. After breakfast, there is diswashing, and that is all usually done by 9:25 AM.
From 9:25 until 10:15, you have free time. This basically means that you can use the bathroom, get some coffee, wash up again. In my case, since I am maintaining the chickens, most of my break (about 20 minutes) is taken up doing that. The other down-side is that I have to clean up all of the chicken shit, and I still have to maintain the rule of not taking a shower.
From 10:15 until 3 o'clock, we have another 5 sessions, just like we did from 4 to 9. The meal is signaled and we go to eat again at 3. This lunch\dinner is our second and last meal of the day - it is usually done oryoki style, but one day it was not, because we had ramen. From 3:25-4:15, you get another free period. But again, I have to take care of the chickens.
From 4:15 until 9, there are another 5 sessions of zazen and kinhin. Then you have free time from 9 until 3:45 AM the next morning, although you shouldn't make any noise. This obviously means that it is time to sleep. With all of the washing, you get about 6 hours of sleep. At first, I thought that 6 hours would be fine since I was just meditating all day long, I wouldn't get that tired. And, it is partially true. But, it is really painful to the mind that you basically meditate, wash up, sleep, wash up, meditate. There is no real break time for your psyche. It really begins to wear you down after a few days.
The fifth day is only a 10 hour schedule. So, you finish after the second 5 hour block of zazen. At 3 o'clock, a short little ceremony is done. Some things are re-arranged in the Hondo, the Docho offers some incense on the altar, and everyone does three full prostrations. We have the second meal, and then a tea meeting. At the beginning of the tea meeting, the abbot announces (in Japanese) that the sesshin has ended.
----
I am not quite sure what to say about how the sesshin has affected me, but I do know that it has changed me. I meditated for 70 hours in the past 5 days. For the first 4 days, I meditated for 2 and 1/2 days. Obviously my mind is a little different. But it's not like I had some sort of awakening experience and now I am 'enlightened' or something like that. And I definitely wasn't expecting anything like that. In this tradition of Buddhism, enlightenment experiences are pushed aside. We are more concerned about just experiencing ordinary life. Sesshin is precisely that. You are bored to tears, your legs hurt like hell (several times per day, my legs literally felt like someone has jabbed a Bowie knife into them and held it there for a few minutes), you feel scuzzy ('scuuuuuuuuzzzayyyyyy' :P).
That is basically it. That is your life. There are many things that you do in life, but it is all just abstractions. Most of your life is lived entirely inside of your head. You are never 'in' the thing that you are doing. Sesshin helps us to be able to be 'in' the thing we're doing, because it is the most simple and yet most profound thing with the human body - sit cross legged. It is the easiest way to dissolve yourself into the universe, because there is nothing to distract you but your own thoughts. After a while, you see your thoughts as just being noise, your pain as just thoughts, and everything just drops off. No body, no mind, no dropping off.
And then, on the 5th day, you get up off of the cushion. 'This,' the abbot says, 'is when the real sesshin starts.'
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Sesshin
One might wonder why I would want to sit for 15 hours per day, for five days. Perhaps it is better to ask why you would want to do something else for those 15 hours. What is it that you think you can achieve aside from sitting? You can acquire wealth, beauty, possibly fame. However, when you die, you can take none of that with you.
When I die, I cannot take my Zazen with me. That is why I sit zazen. It is in this posture that I have learned how to deal with my mind. To see how habitual thought patterns cause me to harmfully interact with other persons. Although I am nowhere near perfect, sitting zazen has better enabled me to restrain from harming others through body, speech, and mind.
Even so... being able to properly interact with other sentient beings (like a bodhisattva) is not the purpose of zazen. The only purpose of zazen is to sit. Practice for the sake of practicing. You just sit, and let your life unfold before you.
I would like to write more about this, but I have to wake up in 6 hours to start this sesshin, so I will leave you with a great quote about zazen and continue with my story in 6 days.
From Dogen's Zanmai O Zanmai:
When I die, I cannot take my Zazen with me. That is why I sit zazen. It is in this posture that I have learned how to deal with my mind. To see how habitual thought patterns cause me to harmfully interact with other persons. Although I am nowhere near perfect, sitting zazen has better enabled me to restrain from harming others through body, speech, and mind.
Even so... being able to properly interact with other sentient beings (like a bodhisattva) is not the purpose of zazen. The only purpose of zazen is to sit. Practice for the sake of practicing. You just sit, and let your life unfold before you.
I would like to write more about this, but I have to wake up in 6 hours to start this sesshin, so I will leave you with a great quote about zazen and continue with my story in 6 days.
From Dogen's Zanmai O Zanmai:
Abruptly transcending all realms, to be greatly honored within the quarters of the buddhas and ancestors—this is sitting with legs crossed...the buddhas and ancestors engage in it, without any further task...It is rare to have clarified that sitting is the buddha dharma, that the buddha dharma is sitting. Even if [some] realize sitting as the buddha dharma, they have not understood sitting as sitting — let alone maintained the buddha dharma as the buddha dharma... The Buddha Śākyamuni addressed the great assembly, saying,Therefore, [the Buddha] sits with legs crossed...The World Honored One always maintains sitting with legs crossed; and to the disciples he correctly transmits sitting with legs crossed; and to the humans and gods he teaches sitting with legs crossed. The mind seal correctly transmitted by the seven buddhas is this...This is precisely the time when beings attain buddhahood
Friday, May 30, 2008
Assistant Tenzo... or is it Assistant to the Tenzo?
So, I've been assistant Tenzo four time now since the past Hosan. In case you've forgotten, Tenzo is the name for the cook in a Japanese monastery. The assistant Tenzo's job is to set up the table, and help prepare the meal. Most of the time this means just setting up the table, and not too much preparing the meal.
In order to set up the table, you have to make sure the tables are placed in exactly the right spot. There is a specific corner of a tatami mat in the dining room that is used to place the first table. Once you place the first table, there is a mark on it where the next table should align. The rest follow in this way. After the tables are in their position, the oryoki bowls must be put down. There is a specific order in which the bowls should be place, which is indicated on a chalk board which hangs on the wall to the side of the table. After setting up the oryoki bowls, you need to put out the condiments, and then the side dish plates. These plates must be set out so that the top of the plate still faces forward to the person eating from it. I've found this kind of precision common in Zen, and it is not quite as relaxing as people usually perceive Zen to be. Instead of relaxation, precision and order allow the mind to be at ease. Cluttered house, cluttered mind. Ordered house, peaceful mind - peaceful does NOT mean relaxed.
Since the assistant Tenzo is essentially the Tenzo's bitch, of course he must wash all of the bowls, plates, spoons, etcetera that the Tenzo uses to make the meal. Here at Antai-ji, we don't use soap to wash a vast majority of these preparation utensils... which is kind of disgusting. The only pans and bowls washed with soap are those which contained stuff cooked with oil. Of course all of our plates, chopsticks, and spoons that we use to eat are washed thorougly with soap (and cold water). But the oryoki bowls are of course only washed with water, if you payed any attention to my blot post about how to do oryoki.
As for the oryoki chanting - I've found an English translation of the chants. I'm not going to separate it as I did in the previous post, it will all just run together.
Breakfast Chants
Buddha was born in Kapilavastu,
Enlightened in Magadha,
Taught in Varanasi,
Entered nirvana in Kushinagara.
Now we set out Buddha's own bowls
May we, with all living beings
realize the emptiness of the three wheels,
giver, receiver, and gift.
In order to set up the table, you have to make sure the tables are placed in exactly the right spot. There is a specific corner of a tatami mat in the dining room that is used to place the first table. Once you place the first table, there is a mark on it where the next table should align. The rest follow in this way. After the tables are in their position, the oryoki bowls must be put down. There is a specific order in which the bowls should be place, which is indicated on a chalk board which hangs on the wall to the side of the table. After setting up the oryoki bowls, you need to put out the condiments, and then the side dish plates. These plates must be set out so that the top of the plate still faces forward to the person eating from it. I've found this kind of precision common in Zen, and it is not quite as relaxing as people usually perceive Zen to be. Instead of relaxation, precision and order allow the mind to be at ease. Cluttered house, cluttered mind. Ordered house, peaceful mind - peaceful does NOT mean relaxed.
Since the assistant Tenzo is essentially the Tenzo's bitch, of course he must wash all of the bowls, plates, spoons, etcetera that the Tenzo uses to make the meal. Here at Antai-ji, we don't use soap to wash a vast majority of these preparation utensils... which is kind of disgusting. The only pans and bowls washed with soap are those which contained stuff cooked with oil. Of course all of our plates, chopsticks, and spoons that we use to eat are washed thorougly with soap (and cold water). But the oryoki bowls are of course only washed with water, if you payed any attention to my blot post about how to do oryoki.
As for the oryoki chanting - I've found an English translation of the chants. I'm not going to separate it as I did in the previous post, it will all just run together.
Breakfast Chants
Buddha was born in Kapilavastu,
Enlightened in Magadha,
Taught in Varanasi,
Entered nirvana in Kushinagara.
Now we set out Buddha's own bowls
May we, with all living beings
realize the emptiness of the three wheels,
giver, receiver, and gift.
We reflect on the effort that brought us this food and consider how it comes to us.
We reflect on our virtue and practice, and whether we are worthy of this offering;
We regard it as essential to keep the mind free from excesses, such as greed;
Thursday, May 29, 2008
First Hosan (free day) and Oryoki
So, three days ago was the first Hosan since the day I arrived. At 8am, we had a pancake breakfast using the pancake mix that I bought and the Trader Joe's Maple Syrup donated by Mary-Grace from Dogen Sangha Los Angeles. Of course, we didn't only eat pancakes - we had rice, miso, and soybeans to go with it, since every meal at a Japanese Buddhist monestary isn't complete without rice and miso! But the pancakes were a real treat - everyone was excited to get some western food.
I finally had the chance to take a nap during the day and read for a little while. By the time dinner came around, I was busy for the rest of the night. I sifted some of the genmai (brown rice) to remove the stones and husks. After that, I learned how to do oryoki (which I will explain later), and had to set up the equipment for that.
During samu (work) for the past two days, I was with Max again doing more construction type work, and I was also assistant to the tenzo (I'll talk about that in my next blog post). We cut, sanded, insect-proofed, water-proofed, and painted wooden covers for the ofuro (hot tub). It is a rule that the ofuro be set up on every second work day night. We also replaced a few more pieces of wall. This time we actually used wood, instead of just bamboo and cement.
Today was Oo-Soji (big temple cleaning), which happens once a month at the end of the month, before sesshin. Oo-Soji was actually planned to happen tomorrow, but it happened to rain today, so Docho-san decided it would be good to get it done today, since it is all done inside. Although it is the temple cleaning, I was with the only group (of 3 people) who were not doing any cleaning. I was still with Max and we were doing more construction work.
So, now I will attempt to describe our morning schedule, up until samu starts...
At 3:45 the jikido runs up and down the hall ringing a bell very loudly. I go downstairs, wash my face, rinse my mouth with some water, put on a pair of pants (no shorts in the Hondo), and precede to walk into the Hondo. At 4 am, the jikido rings a very large bell, and we sit zazen until 5 am. From 5:00 to 5:15, we do kinhin (walking meditation). The tatami mats in the Hondo are very sticky, and you have to be SUPER careful with your feet to not make any noise on the mat. From 5:15 to 6:00 we sit zazen again.
At 6:00 am, the jikido strikes the large bell again, and the monks do the robe chant: 'DAI SAI GE DAP-PUKU / MU SO FUKU DEN E / HI BU NYO RAI KYO / KO DO SHO SHU JO'
This takes about 5 minutes, because each syllable is held out for about 5 seconds. After the chant is over, the tenzo (cook) hits the kaishaku (clappers) and we quickly walk straight from the Hondo to the dining/tea-meeting room. Everyone says 'ohayoo gozaimasu' (good morning, or literally - it's early), does a gassho, and sits down into seiza (on your knees) position in front of the table.
In front of you on the table are your oryoki bowls. There are three black bowls, with a setsu (scraper - piece of wood with cloth sewed at the bottom), heishin?(chop-sticks), a wiping cloth - all of this is wrapped up neatly in a big cloth. To the right of your oryoki set are two small plates filled with whatever are the sides for the day. You first unwrap your oryoki bowls, put the big cloth under the table, then set up the two larger bowls side by side, next to the lower small plate, and the smallest oryoki bowl above the second, next to the upper small plate. You put your setsu in between the oryoki bowls and the plates, and rest the chop-sticks (tip-first) on the setsu above its piece of cloth. After you have done this set up, a chant* is performed.
After the chant, everyone does gassho, then gets up to fill their oryoki bowls. The biggest oryoki bowl to the left is used for rice, the medium bowl in the middle is used for miso soup. You take either your rice bowl or miso bowl, and the person across the table from you takes the other bowl of yours (you do the same for him). You walk over and kneel in seiza behind the people near the rice or miso bowls. You sit in seiza with hands in gassho - if you have one bowl in hand, one hand is in gassho, the other holds the bowl. You indicate when to stop filling the bowl by raising your hand in front of them. After served, you walk back and sit in seiza by your seat, and put your chopsticks diagonally on your miso bowl. Another gassho is done, and another chant** starts.
This is a really long chant. At the beginning of the chant, everyone takes a little bit of their rice and puts it on the far tip of their setsu. At the end of the chant, a little plate is passed around, and you put this rice onto the plate (it is an offering to the 'hungry ghosts' - one of the 6 realms of sentient existence in Buddhist cosmology, usually just interpeted as a state of mind during human or animal existence, and not a literal realm). After the chant is done, everyone does a gassho, and beings eating. You put your chopsticks down on the table, closer to you than the oryoki bowls, facing to the right. You eat in whatever order you like.
Once the abbot is finished eating for the first round (which takes about 6 minutes!!!), he puts his chop-sticks back on his miso bowl, and everyone must stop at this time. You then get up and go for seconds (same protocol as before with kneeling and gasshos). You go back to your seat, do a gassho, and eat your seconds (again, you only have a few minutes and have to eat as fast as possible). After you are finished, you put your chopsticks down on the table, closer to you than the oryoki bowls, facing to the left.
After you've completey finished your food, you begin cleaning the plates with your setsu. This means that you scrape everything out and eat it all - no crumbs or drops of anything left behind. After everyone has done this, we gassho, then run and put the plates in the sink. We come back and begin to clean our oryoki bowls. To do this, we have kettles of hot water that were sitting under the table (one kettle for 4 people). One person picks up the kettle, bows to the person across him who does a complementary gassho, and fills up the other guy's rice bowl with water. You gesture holding your setsu when to stop filling the rice bowl. Then they both do another gassho, and the guy with the kettle fills up his own bowl. Then all 4 people do a gassho, and the kettle is passed to the next two people to use.
Once you have water in your rice bowl, you clean the bowl with the water and your setsu. When you have cleaned this bowl, you quitely dump the water into the miso bowl, dry the rice bowl, and do the same cleaning to the miso bowl. After cleaning the miso bowl, you then clean your chopsticks in the miso bowl. You do this by holding them, points down, in the miso bowl, and you rub water up and down them using the setsu - you twirl the chopsticks so that you wash all sides. After you have washed the chopsticks, you dry them off with your cloth and place them to the right of your oryoki set, with the points hanging off the table. Now you clean the setsu - you do this by dipping it into the miso bowl (which still has water in it), and squeezing out the water with your hands. You do this a few times, dry it off, and put it next to the chopsticks - with the cloth part hanging off of the table.
Now, you dump the water from the miso bowl (which has crumbs in it) into the small third bowl to its right. There may be some water left over, since the third bowl is much smaller than the miso bowl - you have to drink this. You then dry the miso bowl, and dump the water from your third bowl into a green bucket that has been on the table since we finished eating breakfast. You don't dump all of it out, you leave a little bit and drink that. I believe this signifies the fact that we waste nothing - we don't even waste the very last crumbs and dishwater used to clean our bowls. After drinking the water, you dry off your third bowl and stack it inside of the miso and rice bowls.
Now that the bowls are stacked, you take the big cloth from under the table, set it down with the points facing forward/backward/left/right, and put the oryoki bowls on top of them. You fold the point facing you over top of the bowl, then the point facing away from you over top of the bowl. After doing this, you put your setsu and chopsticks on top of the folded cloth. Then you take your wiping cloth, fold it in half facing away from you, and put it on the upper half of your oryoki set. You then pull the other half down so that it completely covers the setsu and chopsticks. Now, you do a gassho, place your left hand palm-up on top of the wiping cloth. Then you take the left corner of the big cloth, tuck it in between your pinky and ring finger. Take the right corner of the big cloth and tuck it in between your index and middle finger. Hold onto the point to the left, and pull the point to the right underneath your hand. Then you twist the two points around and fold them to the left. Now the oryoki set is completely wrapped up and in the same state as it was when it was sitting on the table when we approached to eat breakfast.
After your set is all wrapped up, you wipe your portion of the table with a wet rag that has been sitting out on the table since breakfast was finished. Each rag is for four people, and when you finish wiping, you flip the rag over, dirty side up. If one side was already dirty when you got it, you open the rag and fold it the other way, so that there are two new clean sides for the other two people. Now, a final chant is performed***.
You quickly stand up, holding your oryoki bowl, and do a gassho to the person across the table from you. If you are closer to the kitchen, you hold out your left hand, and your partner will hand you their oryoki set with chopsticks facing you (they must turn the set around). You then put the set up on the rack on the wall and now it's time for Soji!
--------
The following are the breakfast chants. These are really the only long chanting done here. The text in brackets is performed by the chief tenzo. The chants are actually not quite Japanese. It is Chinese texts transliterated into Japanese. So, it is Chinese pronounced in a Japanese way. Essentially, it is not understandable by either Chinese or Japanese...
* Opening breakfast chant
** Long chant
I finally had the chance to take a nap during the day and read for a little while. By the time dinner came around, I was busy for the rest of the night. I sifted some of the genmai (brown rice) to remove the stones and husks. After that, I learned how to do oryoki (which I will explain later), and had to set up the equipment for that.
During samu (work) for the past two days, I was with Max again doing more construction type work, and I was also assistant to the tenzo (I'll talk about that in my next blog post). We cut, sanded, insect-proofed, water-proofed, and painted wooden covers for the ofuro (hot tub). It is a rule that the ofuro be set up on every second work day night. We also replaced a few more pieces of wall. This time we actually used wood, instead of just bamboo and cement.
Today was Oo-Soji (big temple cleaning), which happens once a month at the end of the month, before sesshin. Oo-Soji was actually planned to happen tomorrow, but it happened to rain today, so Docho-san decided it would be good to get it done today, since it is all done inside. Although it is the temple cleaning, I was with the only group (of 3 people) who were not doing any cleaning. I was still with Max and we were doing more construction work.
So, now I will attempt to describe our morning schedule, up until samu starts...
At 3:45 the jikido runs up and down the hall ringing a bell very loudly. I go downstairs, wash my face, rinse my mouth with some water, put on a pair of pants (no shorts in the Hondo), and precede to walk into the Hondo. At 4 am, the jikido rings a very large bell, and we sit zazen until 5 am. From 5:00 to 5:15, we do kinhin (walking meditation). The tatami mats in the Hondo are very sticky, and you have to be SUPER careful with your feet to not make any noise on the mat. From 5:15 to 6:00 we sit zazen again.
At 6:00 am, the jikido strikes the large bell again, and the monks do the robe chant: 'DAI SAI GE DAP-PUKU / MU SO FUKU DEN E / HI BU NYO RAI KYO / KO DO SHO SHU JO'
This takes about 5 minutes, because each syllable is held out for about 5 seconds. After the chant is over, the tenzo (cook) hits the kaishaku (clappers) and we quickly walk straight from the Hondo to the dining/tea-meeting room. Everyone says 'ohayoo gozaimasu' (good morning, or literally - it's early), does a gassho, and sits down into seiza (on your knees) position in front of the table.
In front of you on the table are your oryoki bowls. There are three black bowls, with a setsu (scraper - piece of wood with cloth sewed at the bottom), heishin?(chop-sticks), a wiping cloth - all of this is wrapped up neatly in a big cloth. To the right of your oryoki set are two small plates filled with whatever are the sides for the day. You first unwrap your oryoki bowls, put the big cloth under the table, then set up the two larger bowls side by side, next to the lower small plate, and the smallest oryoki bowl above the second, next to the upper small plate. You put your setsu in between the oryoki bowls and the plates, and rest the chop-sticks (tip-first) on the setsu above its piece of cloth. After you have done this set up, a chant* is performed.
After the chant, everyone does gassho, then gets up to fill their oryoki bowls. The biggest oryoki bowl to the left is used for rice, the medium bowl in the middle is used for miso soup. You take either your rice bowl or miso bowl, and the person across the table from you takes the other bowl of yours (you do the same for him). You walk over and kneel in seiza behind the people near the rice or miso bowls. You sit in seiza with hands in gassho - if you have one bowl in hand, one hand is in gassho, the other holds the bowl. You indicate when to stop filling the bowl by raising your hand in front of them. After served, you walk back and sit in seiza by your seat, and put your chopsticks diagonally on your miso bowl. Another gassho is done, and another chant** starts.
This is a really long chant. At the beginning of the chant, everyone takes a little bit of their rice and puts it on the far tip of their setsu. At the end of the chant, a little plate is passed around, and you put this rice onto the plate (it is an offering to the 'hungry ghosts' - one of the 6 realms of sentient existence in Buddhist cosmology, usually just interpeted as a state of mind during human or animal existence, and not a literal realm). After the chant is done, everyone does a gassho, and beings eating. You put your chopsticks down on the table, closer to you than the oryoki bowls, facing to the right. You eat in whatever order you like.
Once the abbot is finished eating for the first round (which takes about 6 minutes!!!), he puts his chop-sticks back on his miso bowl, and everyone must stop at this time. You then get up and go for seconds (same protocol as before with kneeling and gasshos). You go back to your seat, do a gassho, and eat your seconds (again, you only have a few minutes and have to eat as fast as possible). After you are finished, you put your chopsticks down on the table, closer to you than the oryoki bowls, facing to the left.
After you've completey finished your food, you begin cleaning the plates with your setsu. This means that you scrape everything out and eat it all - no crumbs or drops of anything left behind. After everyone has done this, we gassho, then run and put the plates in the sink. We come back and begin to clean our oryoki bowls. To do this, we have kettles of hot water that were sitting under the table (one kettle for 4 people). One person picks up the kettle, bows to the person across him who does a complementary gassho, and fills up the other guy's rice bowl with water. You gesture holding your setsu when to stop filling the rice bowl. Then they both do another gassho, and the guy with the kettle fills up his own bowl. Then all 4 people do a gassho, and the kettle is passed to the next two people to use.
Once you have water in your rice bowl, you clean the bowl with the water and your setsu. When you have cleaned this bowl, you quitely dump the water into the miso bowl, dry the rice bowl, and do the same cleaning to the miso bowl. After cleaning the miso bowl, you then clean your chopsticks in the miso bowl. You do this by holding them, points down, in the miso bowl, and you rub water up and down them using the setsu - you twirl the chopsticks so that you wash all sides. After you have washed the chopsticks, you dry them off with your cloth and place them to the right of your oryoki set, with the points hanging off the table. Now you clean the setsu - you do this by dipping it into the miso bowl (which still has water in it), and squeezing out the water with your hands. You do this a few times, dry it off, and put it next to the chopsticks - with the cloth part hanging off of the table.
Now, you dump the water from the miso bowl (which has crumbs in it) into the small third bowl to its right. There may be some water left over, since the third bowl is much smaller than the miso bowl - you have to drink this. You then dry the miso bowl, and dump the water from your third bowl into a green bucket that has been on the table since we finished eating breakfast. You don't dump all of it out, you leave a little bit and drink that. I believe this signifies the fact that we waste nothing - we don't even waste the very last crumbs and dishwater used to clean our bowls. After drinking the water, you dry off your third bowl and stack it inside of the miso and rice bowls.
Now that the bowls are stacked, you take the big cloth from under the table, set it down with the points facing forward/backward/left/right, and put the oryoki bowls on top of them. You fold the point facing you over top of the bowl, then the point facing away from you over top of the bowl. After doing this, you put your setsu and chopsticks on top of the folded cloth. Then you take your wiping cloth, fold it in half facing away from you, and put it on the upper half of your oryoki set. You then pull the other half down so that it completely covers the setsu and chopsticks. Now, you do a gassho, place your left hand palm-up on top of the wiping cloth. Then you take the left corner of the big cloth, tuck it in between your pinky and ring finger. Take the right corner of the big cloth and tuck it in between your index and middle finger. Hold onto the point to the left, and pull the point to the right underneath your hand. Then you twist the two points around and fold them to the left. Now the oryoki set is completely wrapped up and in the same state as it was when it was sitting on the table when we approached to eat breakfast.
After your set is all wrapped up, you wipe your portion of the table with a wet rag that has been sitting out on the table since breakfast was finished. Each rag is for four people, and when you finish wiping, you flip the rag over, dirty side up. If one side was already dirty when you got it, you open the rag and fold it the other way, so that there are two new clean sides for the other two people. Now, a final chant is performed***.
You quickly stand up, holding your oryoki bowl, and do a gassho to the person across the table from you. If you are closer to the kitchen, you hold out your left hand, and your partner will hand you their oryoki set with chopsticks facing you (they must turn the set around). You then put the set up on the rack on the wall and now it's time for Soji!
--------
The following are the breakfast chants. These are really the only long chanting done here. The text in brackets is performed by the chief tenzo. The chants are actually not quite Japanese. It is Chinese texts transliterated into Japanese. So, it is Chinese pronounced in a Japanese way. Essentially, it is not understandable by either Chinese or Japanese...
* Opening breakfast chant
Bussho Kabira Jodo Makada
Seppo Harana Nyumetsu Kuchira
Nyorai oryoki Ga Kon toku futen
Gan gu issai shu To sanrin Kujaku
[Nyan ni sanpo, Ansu inshi, Nyan pin son shu nyan]
Shin jin pa shin Birusha no fu
Enmon hoshin Rusha no fu
Sen pa I kashin Shukyamuni fu
Torai a san Miruson bu
Jiho san shi ishi shi fu
Dai jin Myoha ringakin
Dai shin Bunjusuri busa
Dai jin Fuen busa
Dai hi kanshiin busa
Shin son busa mokosa
Moko hoja horomi
[Sante rumi, Shi fu gi sun
Hokai yujin, fu zun kyunnyo.]
** Long chant
Hitotsu ni wa ko no tasho o hakari
Ka no raisho o hakaru.
Futatsu ni wa onorega toku gyo no
Zen ketto hakatte kuni o zu.
Mitsu ni wa shin o fusegi toga o hana ru ru ko to wa
Tonto o shu to su.
Yotsu ni wa masa ni ryoyaku o koto to suru wa
Gyoko o ryo zen ga temenari.
Itotsu ni wa jodo no tame no yue ni
Ima kono jiki o uku.
(rice for hugry ghosts while chanting)
Jiten ki jin shu, Go kin suji kyu
Jobon sanbo, Chubun shi on
Gekyu roku do, Kai do kuyo
Ikku I dan issai a ku
Niku I shu issai zen
San ku I do sho shu jo
Kai gu jo butsu do,
Ga shi sen passui, Nyo ten kanro mi
Se yo kiijin shu, Shitsuryo toku bo man
O makurasai so wa ka
[Shi shi kai jiki kun, Jiren ka fu ja shi Shin shin jin cho I hi, Ki shu rin bu jo son]
Sunday, May 25, 2008
My First One-Day Sesshin at Antai-ji
Last night we had Rinku - one of the monks gives a talk. The topic was a selection from Master Dogen's Shobogenzo on the 8 qualities of a Great Human Being (a Buddha) - which is essentially Dogen's version of the Noble Eightfold Path. They had already covered the first 6 before I came at previous Rinkus, so last night we only covered numbers 7 and 8. 7 was something like 'developing wisdom by eliminating greed and attachment' and 8 was 'not to engage in idle discussion (to eliminate discrimating thought)' It was pretty cool to actually do some theorizing here. Before this talk, nothing I experienced here seemed like it was actually Buddhism. There were a few questions that people raised that provoked a lot of responses and things got interesting.
The most profound thing that I heard came from (of course) Docho-san. He said something like 'The thing is that we always live in the thoughts of reality, but not in the things themselves. Not engaging in idle discussion doesn't mean don't talk. Just because we have a rule that you cannot talk during sesshin, this doesn't mean that we shouldnt say 'onegaishimashita' to the mailman when he comes to deliver packages. There is a way that you can talk without talking. This type of talking is the buddha-dharma.'
After rinku, we had a little more free-time and then went to bed. This morning, like usual, the jikido rang the bell through the hallways at 3:45. However, this time we were headed to go sit for 5 hours. The protocoal for entering the hondo for sesshin is different than on normal days - we walk through the front door, and there is no jikido bowing next to you.
Zazen was pretty horrible. We first sat a full hour, then it was 15 minutes walking meditation, and 45 minutes sitting meditation. We did that from 4am to 9am. Then we hurriedly walked to to get some breakfast. We finally had something besides steamed rice for breakfast. We had some rice gruel! It was actually pretty good and similar to oatmeal. There was some sort of cinammon potatoes as a side. We then quickly washed the dishes and had a short break. I went up and took a nap for about 20 minutes.
Then it was time to go back to the hondo at 10:15. We sat 5 more periods of zazen until 3 o'clock. The last few of these were pretty horrible. Even though I had been using alternating sitting positions every period (half-lotus with left leg on top, with right leg on top, and seiza), my knees were hurting really bad. During the last 10 minutes or so of the final period, I was essentially in agony. It is so painful because you are not supposed to move at all during any of the 45 minute periods. If you've never done it, you cannot even imagine how uncomfortable that can be. Some of the others fell asleep during many of the periods. This is easy to tell, because their heads bob up and down. I was quite surprised (and relieved) that Docho-san didn't yell at them or hit them with the stick :) This means that if I screw up, I won't be in too deep. But I still don't know how I will survive the sesshin. We would do what we did today, then after lunch, we would have gone to sit for another 5 hours. This would be done 4 days straight, with the final day being the 10 hour schedule that we had today (I think).
Finally we get some free time. Sesshin was over at 3pm today, and tomorrow is hosan (free day). The only actual obligations we have tomorrow are to come to breakfast and dinner. I started reading one of the books I brought with me - 'No Time To Lose - A Timely Guide to the Way of the Bodhisattva.' I originally bought this book only because I couldn't find another copy of the original text (because I recently gave it to my roommate after I moved out). The Way of the Bodhisattva is a book about the motivation for the life of a Mahayana Buddhist practitioner - to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings.
It is sometimes hard to remember that this is what we are doing at Antai-ji. It is easy to get caught up in all of the rules and protocol and just take this place as being some kind of sick mind-training boot camp. But really, we are training ourselves (and thus, the permanent residents are providing a way to let others train themselves) to spread peace and lovingkindness in the world. In fact, the only reason why any of us should live is to promote this cause - to eliminate suffering from the minds of all sentient beings. This is a really hard job to do, but someone needs to step forward and rise to the challenge - if not me, then who?
This motivation might be the only thing that gets me through life here at Antai-ji. During sesshin today, I thought I would definitely have to leave before the real sesshin started, because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Now, I realize that if I give up, I am giving up on all suffering sentient beings.
The most profound thing that I heard came from (of course) Docho-san. He said something like 'The thing is that we always live in the thoughts of reality, but not in the things themselves. Not engaging in idle discussion doesn't mean don't talk. Just because we have a rule that you cannot talk during sesshin, this doesn't mean that we shouldnt say 'onegaishimashita' to the mailman when he comes to deliver packages. There is a way that you can talk without talking. This type of talking is the buddha-dharma.'
After rinku, we had a little more free-time and then went to bed. This morning, like usual, the jikido rang the bell through the hallways at 3:45. However, this time we were headed to go sit for 5 hours. The protocoal for entering the hondo for sesshin is different than on normal days - we walk through the front door, and there is no jikido bowing next to you.
Zazen was pretty horrible. We first sat a full hour, then it was 15 minutes walking meditation, and 45 minutes sitting meditation. We did that from 4am to 9am. Then we hurriedly walked to to get some breakfast. We finally had something besides steamed rice for breakfast. We had some rice gruel! It was actually pretty good and similar to oatmeal. There was some sort of cinammon potatoes as a side. We then quickly washed the dishes and had a short break. I went up and took a nap for about 20 minutes.
Then it was time to go back to the hondo at 10:15. We sat 5 more periods of zazen until 3 o'clock. The last few of these were pretty horrible. Even though I had been using alternating sitting positions every period (half-lotus with left leg on top, with right leg on top, and seiza), my knees were hurting really bad. During the last 10 minutes or so of the final period, I was essentially in agony. It is so painful because you are not supposed to move at all during any of the 45 minute periods. If you've never done it, you cannot even imagine how uncomfortable that can be. Some of the others fell asleep during many of the periods. This is easy to tell, because their heads bob up and down. I was quite surprised (and relieved) that Docho-san didn't yell at them or hit them with the stick :) This means that if I screw up, I won't be in too deep. But I still don't know how I will survive the sesshin. We would do what we did today, then after lunch, we would have gone to sit for another 5 hours. This would be done 4 days straight, with the final day being the 10 hour schedule that we had today (I think).
Finally we get some free time. Sesshin was over at 3pm today, and tomorrow is hosan (free day). The only actual obligations we have tomorrow are to come to breakfast and dinner. I started reading one of the books I brought with me - 'No Time To Lose - A Timely Guide to the Way of the Bodhisattva.' I originally bought this book only because I couldn't find another copy of the original text (because I recently gave it to my roommate after I moved out). The Way of the Bodhisattva is a book about the motivation for the life of a Mahayana Buddhist practitioner - to relieve the suffering of all sentient beings.
It is sometimes hard to remember that this is what we are doing at Antai-ji. It is easy to get caught up in all of the rules and protocol and just take this place as being some kind of sick mind-training boot camp. But really, we are training ourselves (and thus, the permanent residents are providing a way to let others train themselves) to spread peace and lovingkindness in the world. In fact, the only reason why any of us should live is to promote this cause - to eliminate suffering from the minds of all sentient beings. This is a really hard job to do, but someone needs to step forward and rise to the challenge - if not me, then who?
This motivation might be the only thing that gets me through life here at Antai-ji. During sesshin today, I thought I would definitely have to leave before the real sesshin started, because I wouldn't be able to handle it. Now, I realize that if I give up, I am giving up on all suffering sentient beings.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Look out for the viper!
Friday, I went with Docho-san (the abbot), Osei-san (a Japanese monk staying at Antai-ji for 3 years), Doko-san (a polish monk), and the small Japanese kid to plant rice at a Soto priest:s farm in Tottori. On the drive there, we took Docho-san's children to school and dropped off his wife at a bus station. It took almost 2 hours to arrive at the farm. On the way, we saw several sections of Japanese beaches. They don't get big waves here... :( I was sitting cross-legged in the trunk of the van on top of a piece of cardboard until we dropped off the abbot's wife.
The Soto priest in Tottori is a very typical looking Zen master - short, skinny, bald-headed Japanese man whose facial expressions portray a man who has seen it all. He supposedly lived at Antai-ji for 30 years. Now he is old, has a wife, and his own temple where he does funerals.
The rice fields are big rectangular shaped plots of land with mud that are flooded with water. There are lines cut into the mud in a grid pattern. You strap a basket to your waist, fill it with rice plants, and walk through the field barefoot. The idea is that you put a plant at each corner in the grid (which are a foot apart in both directions). It isn't the most difficult work, but it does start to take a toll on your back and legs after a while. The more worrisome part of the job was when Doko-san shouted to me - 'Look out for the viper!'
The Soto priest gave us a lot of breaks, offering us drinks - juices and canned coffee. After a few hours, we went to his temple to have lunch. His temple is so awesome! It has the typical Japanese roof style. There is a Zen garden in front with raked stones and a cement Shakyamuni statue covered with moss. Facing the temple, to the left, is a huge Zen styled bell covered by its own roof - the kind where there is a log hanging in the air used to strike the bell. There is a big wooden porch with a few steps in front of the temple. The front of the temple was completely open. The altar has five golden buddha statues, in front of the altar is a prostration cushion flanked by golden lotuses. There were some special rooms next to the altar with soe more statues and relics that I didn't get close enough to check out.
For lunch, we sat on the porch in front of the temple and had delicious noodles, tempura, and rice bals stuffed with some kind of vegetable. You fill your bowl with a soup that tastes like soy sauce and dip the noodles into the soup before you eat them. Since we only had one bowl, I was dipping the tempura as well.
Driving to and from Tottori, I started to discover just how pervasive Buddhism is in japan. Almost every corner you reach, there is a Buddha, Kannon, or Jizo statue. It's crazy! Thee is a fair amount of Shinto shrines as well.
While driving back to Antai-ji, everyone was so exhausted. I intermittently shut my eyes for a few minutes. Osei-san fell asleep and keep hitting his head against me. Docho-san was driving and told us that the van has a problem - the steering wheel is always shaking - he was worried that a wheel might fall off while we were driving. After five years of driving the van up and down the mountain, that thing is about to kick the bucket.
When we got back, I immediately hopped into the shower. To my dismay, the dinner clappers started sounding and I had to dry off without washing anything, put my dirty clothes back on, and hurry to the dinner table. Everyone was already there - somehow I wasn't clued in. I apologized about this at the tea meeting... but apparently being late to a meal (or zazen session) is about the worst thing you can do here.
Today, Saturday, we have a half-day of work. I was working with Max trying to fix one of the walls. We had to mix cement with sand and water, mash it up, and stir it. Then we strapped as much bamboo, cardboard, and sticks to the wall to hold the cement in the back. In the front, we temporarily screwed some boards to the wall and poured the concrete in between the two sections of wood. We got so much mud and cement everywhere, it was a pain to clean up.
Tomorrow will be a one-day sesshin(meditation retreat - in Japanese, sesshin literally 'unify the mind'), hence the half-day of work today. Tonight there will be a talk at 6. One of the guys here is going to talk about one of the chapters in Master Dogen's Shogobenzo - about his interpretation of the Noble Eightfold Path. The sesshin tomorrow will be 10 hours of zazen. This is not as much as the schedule on the 5-day sesshin, which involves 15 hours. You aren' supposed to move during those entire 10 hours (aside from kinhin - walking meditation). Supposedly, Docho-san shouts at people if they move, and if they move too much, he will even come over and whack you with the kyosaku (wooden stick used to correct postures... or I guess whip lazy monks into line).
The Soto priest in Tottori is a very typical looking Zen master - short, skinny, bald-headed Japanese man whose facial expressions portray a man who has seen it all. He supposedly lived at Antai-ji for 30 years. Now he is old, has a wife, and his own temple where he does funerals.
The rice fields are big rectangular shaped plots of land with mud that are flooded with water. There are lines cut into the mud in a grid pattern. You strap a basket to your waist, fill it with rice plants, and walk through the field barefoot. The idea is that you put a plant at each corner in the grid (which are a foot apart in both directions). It isn't the most difficult work, but it does start to take a toll on your back and legs after a while. The more worrisome part of the job was when Doko-san shouted to me - 'Look out for the viper!'
The Soto priest gave us a lot of breaks, offering us drinks - juices and canned coffee. After a few hours, we went to his temple to have lunch. His temple is so awesome! It has the typical Japanese roof style. There is a Zen garden in front with raked stones and a cement Shakyamuni statue covered with moss. Facing the temple, to the left, is a huge Zen styled bell covered by its own roof - the kind where there is a log hanging in the air used to strike the bell. There is a big wooden porch with a few steps in front of the temple. The front of the temple was completely open. The altar has five golden buddha statues, in front of the altar is a prostration cushion flanked by golden lotuses. There were some special rooms next to the altar with soe more statues and relics that I didn't get close enough to check out.
For lunch, we sat on the porch in front of the temple and had delicious noodles, tempura, and rice bals stuffed with some kind of vegetable. You fill your bowl with a soup that tastes like soy sauce and dip the noodles into the soup before you eat them. Since we only had one bowl, I was dipping the tempura as well.
Driving to and from Tottori, I started to discover just how pervasive Buddhism is in japan. Almost every corner you reach, there is a Buddha, Kannon, or Jizo statue. It's crazy! Thee is a fair amount of Shinto shrines as well.
While driving back to Antai-ji, everyone was so exhausted. I intermittently shut my eyes for a few minutes. Osei-san fell asleep and keep hitting his head against me. Docho-san was driving and told us that the van has a problem - the steering wheel is always shaking - he was worried that a wheel might fall off while we were driving. After five years of driving the van up and down the mountain, that thing is about to kick the bucket.
When we got back, I immediately hopped into the shower. To my dismay, the dinner clappers started sounding and I had to dry off without washing anything, put my dirty clothes back on, and hurry to the dinner table. Everyone was already there - somehow I wasn't clued in. I apologized about this at the tea meeting... but apparently being late to a meal (or zazen session) is about the worst thing you can do here.
Today, Saturday, we have a half-day of work. I was working with Max trying to fix one of the walls. We had to mix cement with sand and water, mash it up, and stir it. Then we strapped as much bamboo, cardboard, and sticks to the wall to hold the cement in the back. In the front, we temporarily screwed some boards to the wall and poured the concrete in between the two sections of wood. We got so much mud and cement everywhere, it was a pain to clean up.
Tomorrow will be a one-day sesshin(meditation retreat - in Japanese, sesshin literally 'unify the mind'), hence the half-day of work today. Tonight there will be a talk at 6. One of the guys here is going to talk about one of the chapters in Master Dogen's Shogobenzo - about his interpretation of the Noble Eightfold Path. The sesshin tomorrow will be 10 hours of zazen. This is not as much as the schedule on the 5-day sesshin, which involves 15 hours. You aren' supposed to move during those entire 10 hours (aside from kinhin - walking meditation). Supposedly, Docho-san shouts at people if they move, and if they move too much, he will even come over and whack you with the kyosaku (wooden stick used to correct postures... or I guess whip lazy monks into line).
Thursday, May 22, 2008
First Day
At 3:45 this morning, the Jikido came running down the hall ringing a bell as a wake up call. Everyone hurried to the bathroom to freshen up and then quickly went into the hondo (meditation hall). The Jikido bows down at a 90 degree angle as we enter the hondo. We shashu to the Jikido, step in, then gassho. We sat two one-hour periods of zazen. Immediately after zazen, those with robes put them on their head and did the robe chant.
After zazen, everyone hurries to breakfast. The protocol for meal is quite complicated, and I don't have enough time at the moment to explain that. We had rice, soup (I don't know what kind, but there were potatoes in it), eggs, and a few other unknown vegetables. After breakfast, everything gets crazy. Everyone rushes around to wash the dishes. Everyone seems to know how it works, and people break up into groups to do certain things. Washing all dishes took about 3 minutes.
After dish-washing was cleaning of the monestary. I swept up the floor of about 1/4 of the building. After this, we had a short break to get into work clothes, wash up, and then it was off to work. I was in the rice field pushing a machine to break up the weeds. We did this for 2 hours, then took another break. Breaks are really nice. I was just sipping some tea, reclining on a log, and staring at the forest. The weather was really beautiful today. All day long we are serenaded by a variety of birds and frogs.
We returned to work for another two hours after the break. I continued to de-weed the rice field. My legs started to hurt a lot. After the second work session, we came back to have lunch. This lunch was informal, but there is still opening and closing chant. Following lunch, we went back to work, I was in the field for another two hours. By the time this was done, I am completely exhausted and glad to be able to take a shower and have a couple hours off.
My couple hours off turned into basically no time off. Things kept cropping up, and I also volunteered to strain the rice. This just means putting rice into a strainer, moving it around to get rid of the bad rice (the bad rice goes to the chickens), and dumping the good rice into a machine that dispenses the rice in specific amounts.
We had dinner, again a formal meal. Immediately following dish-washing after dinner, we had a tea meeting. Again, this is somewhat involved, and I will explain it later. We just discuss what was done that day and what we will do tomorrow.
We had 10 minutes break after tea meeting, which I used to go to the bathroom and wash up - and then it was back to the hondo. We did two more one-hour sessions of zazen, and that brings me here... which is time for bed!
This seems like it should be a usual day, so I probably won't be posting a item-by-item list of what I do in a day from now on, unless it is completely unusual.
After zazen, everyone hurries to breakfast. The protocol for meal is quite complicated, and I don't have enough time at the moment to explain that. We had rice, soup (I don't know what kind, but there were potatoes in it), eggs, and a few other unknown vegetables. After breakfast, everything gets crazy. Everyone rushes around to wash the dishes. Everyone seems to know how it works, and people break up into groups to do certain things. Washing all dishes took about 3 minutes.
After dish-washing was cleaning of the monestary. I swept up the floor of about 1/4 of the building. After this, we had a short break to get into work clothes, wash up, and then it was off to work. I was in the rice field pushing a machine to break up the weeds. We did this for 2 hours, then took another break. Breaks are really nice. I was just sipping some tea, reclining on a log, and staring at the forest. The weather was really beautiful today. All day long we are serenaded by a variety of birds and frogs.
We returned to work for another two hours after the break. I continued to de-weed the rice field. My legs started to hurt a lot. After the second work session, we came back to have lunch. This lunch was informal, but there is still opening and closing chant. Following lunch, we went back to work, I was in the field for another two hours. By the time this was done, I am completely exhausted and glad to be able to take a shower and have a couple hours off.
My couple hours off turned into basically no time off. Things kept cropping up, and I also volunteered to strain the rice. This just means putting rice into a strainer, moving it around to get rid of the bad rice (the bad rice goes to the chickens), and dumping the good rice into a machine that dispenses the rice in specific amounts.
We had dinner, again a formal meal. Immediately following dish-washing after dinner, we had a tea meeting. Again, this is somewhat involved, and I will explain it later. We just discuss what was done that day and what we will do tomorrow.
We had 10 minutes break after tea meeting, which I used to go to the bathroom and wash up - and then it was back to the hondo. We did two more one-hour sessions of zazen, and that brings me here... which is time for bed!
This seems like it should be a usual day, so I probably won't be posting a item-by-item list of what I do in a day from now on, unless it is completely unusual.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Arrival
I woke up this morning at 3:30 AM in RIGHA Royal Hotel in Osaka, Japan. I took a taxi to Osaka train station at 4:50 AM. From Osaka station, I took a train to Fukuchiyama at 5:55 AM. From Fukuchiyama, I took a train to Toyooka, then to Hamasaka. Then I took a bus from Hamasaka to Ika-ga-naru-guchi bus stop at the foot of Antai-ji`s road. I had to walk 4 kilometers up a mountain to the temple, carrying a 50+ pound bag over my shoulder. By the time I arrived, I was about to die from exhaustion.
Upon arrival, I was immediately impressed with the scenery here. We are way out in the mountains of Japan, there are no other people within about 3 miles, and even out there, it is only a small village. The only sounds you hear are birds and frogs. There are trees everywhere.
The monastery itself is not that beautiful, aside from the hondo. In the hondo, there is a really cool statue of a black Shakyamuni. For now, I have a futon up in the room used for drying clothes and playing ping pong.
It is hard to get used to all of the protocol here. You must do different kinds of bows everywhere you go. Before and after using the shower, you must do 3 full prostrations (sanpai) to a vase full of flowers. Before and after using the toilet, you must bow (gassho) to a tiny buddha statue. The hondo is much more complicated, with gasshos and shashus everywhere.
I have no idea what work I am going to be doing here. It seems like it won`t be hard to get along with the people here, since everyone understands English (although the two Japanese people don`t understand much), most people are German.
We had a tea meeting earlier where I introduced myself, and the green tea was fantastic. I think I am going to have a good time here.
Upon arrival, I was immediately impressed with the scenery here. We are way out in the mountains of Japan, there are no other people within about 3 miles, and even out there, it is only a small village. The only sounds you hear are birds and frogs. There are trees everywhere.
The monastery itself is not that beautiful, aside from the hondo. In the hondo, there is a really cool statue of a black Shakyamuni. For now, I have a futon up in the room used for drying clothes and playing ping pong.
It is hard to get used to all of the protocol here. You must do different kinds of bows everywhere you go. Before and after using the shower, you must do 3 full prostrations (sanpai) to a vase full of flowers. Before and after using the toilet, you must bow (gassho) to a tiny buddha statue. The hondo is much more complicated, with gasshos and shashus everywhere.
I have no idea what work I am going to be doing here. It seems like it won`t be hard to get along with the people here, since everyone understands English (although the two Japanese people don`t understand much), most people are German.
We had a tea meeting earlier where I introduced myself, and the green tea was fantastic. I think I am going to have a good time here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
